Clairvision:ISIS 0005 - squirrelly anger at forced perfection

From my journal

9 August 2008

Best ISIS session ever. This was my fifth session. (three with Helma, one with Kevin, this one with Helma)

Helma started with two touch points, perhaps around my kidneys. Sadness. "I knew you were going to choose that spot. Why'd you have to choose there?"

but I knew it was a good spot to choose.

She shifted her hands more toward the center, and the sadness immediately went away. no no; go back to that sadness. That was a good spot.

She pressed harder. nothing.

harder. nothing.

harder still Nothing.

"What do you feel?"

"you can't get me" = "you don't want me" = "please want me"

crying crying crying

there's too much sadness; I can't do this.

crying crying crying gasping crying crying lack of air; stop breathing; stop.

Go. breathe. good.

dang, this is great; I can't recommend this highly enough to Kathy Fey. I will email her as soon as I get home.

"What are you feeling?"

"I want to recommend ISIS to my healer in Texas; she's a reiki master and does other healing work; I want her to be an ISIS practicioner like you."

"Just stay with the feeling."

Stay with the feeling stay with the feeling; I try so hard to do it right but sometimes my brain turns on and I don't feel anything; stay with the feeling

I try so hard to be perfect, but I can't be perfect.

Crying crying crying

Stop fucking asking me to do shit I can't do. I can't be perfect.

Anger. Anger. Anger.

wtf? anger?

I have boundaries. I do what I want to do. I don't have to do everything people ask. I can just be.

I hear music. Cicadas singing. Some people say it's noise, but they are a connection between humans and angels. We can tune in to cicadas' musical vibration more easily than to angels' vibration; it's a step in the right direction.

Just be.

Just be connected with angels. They are always here for us; we just have to tune in.

- - - -

Upon review, Helma said she was going for the anger. She suggests that's where the real work is for me; she was thrilled when I got to that point, and then broke through to the just be of angels and symphony.

Lord Gana was here during the session, notes Helma.

Helma says the 9th of August is usually a good day for her.