Clairvision:ISIS 0011 - eating to heal famine

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9am Monday 15 September 2008

Told Helma about having done my homework, and finding Nim. Lovely. Told her about eating dinner at Genny's and then eating cereal at home and then eating *more* cereal at home. Stomach was utterly full full full, and did not want any other food.

She placed her fingertips on my kidneys, and I detected dryness in my throat, and that my body needs more water. Just to flush stuff out and work normally. Hadn't had water yet in the day; needed to get up right then and get some. Didn't, but needed to. (It's now 3 (three) hours later, and I just got some water, only remembering that I "needed" to drink after writing that part of the session)

She moved her fingers to my navel.

"Shame. I feel shame and sadness and anger." Sourced back to growing up and being made to eat even if I wasn't hungry. Told that I should eat because others were starving. Told that I couldn't have dessert until I finished eating. "I'm not hungry; I don't want food, and I don't want dessert. I just want to climb the tree. Let's pack a picnic; let's eat outside. Let's just eat berries and apples from the tree."

"In fact, Fred is only eating white bread and butter. He's the one who needs to eat. Make him eat! WTF do I have to eat if Fred's not eating?" I just want to smash the plate on the floor. One plate out the window. One plate smashed onto the table. Smash smash smash. "Why do I have to eat?"

Helma asked what is it like to be there?

"I can't say anything. I don't know the word 'frustrated.' I just have so much energy, but I have to contain it. I have to be good. I have to eat and finish my food. "It's not fair!!" crying crying. Not too much, but more than I may have expected.

Then, as suddenly as always, and this time, as gentle as the little level of crying, I felt the tingles of peace in my body. Just tingles; just happy. Just be. My parents did the best they could. It's all good.

Began to get other images, dream images; began to fall asleep, but I caught an image just as it was happening. "I'm in rubble. Buildings destroyed everywhere. No food for miles. No help; no hope. Just walk. Hunger is long gone; there's nothing. If we see other people, we don't talk to them because the story is the same. No hope; just despair."

How old are you?

"About 20s or so. Family is gone; I have no one. No one has anyone. Just destruction. We used to have culture; we weren't rich, but we were happy; we had culture and music and laughter; we never hurt anyone. But now it's all gone."

Does this affect how you relate to food now?

"Yes; it makes me want to eat everything, to never waste food. If I don't eat it now, I might be hungry later, and regret not eating it."

I began to lose connection with the scene, so tried getting an overview of the city. Couldn't see very far around me, but just destruction. Sensed a void in the map in the southwest, perhaps a body of water.

Told Helma this, and then got a dream image of tossing a sturdy pole between my hands, as I got a cramp in my physical left hand. Told her that, just as it became time to end the session.

Perhaps sourcing the cramp will be the next part of the process.