Clairvision:ISIS 0012 - no no, it's fine! but don't look (actually, create your life!)

Told Helma about my realization about Bang, and rejecting people, so when we started the session, I intended to work on that. She placed her hand on my heart, and I thought, "oh no, not there..." and felt sadness and cried a bit, but not a ton, and told her that the sadness wasn't there; it wasn't in my body; it was shoved so far away, like a black sphere or another planet on a tube so long where I just stuffed everything, and it was too much; there's no reason to even start the work of clearing this out; there's just too much and it will never end.. better to just ignore it and move on.

From this place of dispair despair I cried a lot more, but not for very long before I pulled out of it and was sorta talking to myself from two points of view.

You can do just a bit at a time, and you're doing the work now.

"But what am I supposed to *do*???"

freestyle art and freestyle healing. Make business cards; give them to people.

"but but but"

and stop watching conspiracy theory videos and news; it's a waste of time.

"Okay. I can do that."

I felt all good and all better and was ready to come out of the session. Helma asked what I was feeling.

I was like, "confident / happy / I know what to do next," or some such.

She said, "well, I'm going to direct you a bit;" (I was a bit surprised, for this is the first time she's done this.) "I see a black spot below your heart, that looks like a black hole."

She placed her thumb just below my sternum on what I think we were taught to call the xyphoid process, which, for the record, seems like a ridiculous name to me. We were being taught about CPR at the time, and they were like, "don't press too hard here; you can really hurt the person." I reflected that to Helma, mixed with fear; "don't press too hard there; you might kill me."

She goes, "I'm not pressing too hard," and I was like, "I know," and "I'm afraid to even say that because you might not know I'm just saying what's stuck in my brain, but I'm afraid to speak up," or something something bladdy bloh; I don't remember deets and then crying crying and more crying.

Oh, and then there was a reference in my brain to the dream, "I'm fine, thank you, and you?" when I *wasn't* fine, and Helma started to chant, "fine thank you and you? fine thank you and you?" and I was like, "I'm not fine. I'm sad!" "You can't be sad. You have to be like us. We're fine, so you're fine."

"You're not fine; you're just covering it up! Wake up; look around you!"

"Everything is fine around us."

"This stupid Japanese tatemae is not fine. You've got kids killing their parents, kids who can't even come out of their rooms, cigarette machine on the street where kids can get them; pornography (*) is the convenience stores where kids can see it."

"If you don't like it, you should go."

"Good, I will go. I'll find someone else who appreciates my talents."

(*) I said, "pornography," but I wouldn't describe it as such now. It's 'just' scantily clad young women, often in sexual positions, often in demeaning positions, but no visible pubic hair nor people banging each other.

A bit earlier/later, she brought up the question, "how does this all relate to Bang?"

I was like, "he's a person; he's a human; he has feelings, and I had no idea what he was going through at that time. He was in a new country, a new culture; he offered his friendship and I rejected it," and then continued "women are people too; they should be allowed to vote," and "blacks are people too; they should be allowed to vote." Where did those come from, with such conviction? Haven't we gotten past all that?

- - - -

I don't remember any other significant elements, and those above are written in what is not chronological order from when they came out, but given that time is an illusion; it doesn't really matter.

My homework is to make some cards to give to people. Something like, "Freestyle art, dance and healing." or "Freestyle art. Freestyle healing."

I like the second one better.

       Freestyle art
       
       Freestyle healing
       
       rob@thisdomain.com
       090-8560-4069

Be not confused. "thisdomain.com" represents the domain "robnugen.com."