Clairvision:ISIS 0013 - I don't feel anything but tears! + financial integrity

This session didn't involve any past life viewing, but focused on what I'm "supposed" to be doing now, and self worth issues, even if I'm not doing anything. Gah; I shoulda written more when it was fresh in my mind.

Ah.. I remember more. Helma placed her hand on my chest and I didn't feel any emotions, and I began to get sad that ISIS wasn't working for me and I can't do this, and I started to go into that emotion of sadness.

I was literally crying when I said, "I don't feel anything," which was obviously not the case, but strange how that came from part of my mind at the same time as I was feeling sadness.

At the end, I paid 1000 yen (not worth her time), saying, "I hope this is the last time to pay you a small amount," because of our arrangement that I "pay what I can, (so long as it's not just coins)" and she laughed a bit like, "wow!"

I sensed I was making a mistake.

After a moment, Helma said, "Well, I must say I felt some anger when I heard you went to the angelic workshop for 30,000 yen, and I get almost nothing."

She spoke clearly, and spoke without expressing anger.

Fuck. She's right. And I know she's right. I wanted to make it right, but I only have 3000 more yen in my wallet until Friday. Oh wait, I have 7000 yen in the bank to last me until next payday, which used to be far away, but now is in just a few days, so 7000 yen is plenty. I gave her the rest that I had in my wallet, while telling her I can get an advance from work. WTF did I lie to her, I don't know, but I didn't say that the money would be from my bank account, my little emergency fund to last until next payday.

"But you need to eat," she started, but I said, "I can get money, and I have food in my bag; I'll be okay."

I felt sadness, and stood there feeling the emotion. "I feel sad to pay you so much money when I don't value myself to make the same amount of money per time spent; why can't I be worth that much money? I don't know what to do (what does that mean?) ..."

"Well," she offered, "I spend more time than just when you're here..." and she approached to give me a hug.

"Really? I didn't know that."

"I didn't tell you."

In the middle of our hug, I said, "Thank you for being someone I can trust. Cause there are some people (e.g. Nobue Yazawa) who I can't trust. I want to be someone who you can trust. I want to pay you at least 5000 yen per session, and I want to come once per week..."

"Wow!"

"if that works for you; I don't know."

"Yeah; it's great. I'm happy you want to do the work."