Clairvision:ISIS 0014 - why am I here (on Earth)?

I just finished my 14th ISIS session with Helma, during which I cryingly wondered wtf I am supposed to be doing this lifetime. Why am I here? Why did I survive my skating accident? Why did i survive my TJ Bike accident 9cause I only broke my shoulder, that's why)

But I'm here to serve humanity and the world and I can't imagine why individual people are such TV addicts and sleeping most of the time, and why do I think I'm doing anything different? I don't watch TV don't smoke, don't drink, don't do no drugs (don't do any drugs (except sugar (glucose, not PCP))))))))))))) but have my own addictions to porn and eating and is this my station? shoot because i can't see I don't know if I ust missed my station. I think now.

Anyway, part of my crying was from my imperfect body having to wear glasses and not being able to smell so well no have two clear nostrils. for breathing purposes (I'm at my station now; i hadn't missed it.)

And I realized that I don't really need my glasses to get home. It's not like I need to talk to anyone (except to get my pen back from the restaurnat where I think I left it on Friday) and with only the slightest vision I can safely navigate the train system (now that I know where I'm going) Anyway, so I'm not wearing my glasses.

Before the ISIS session, we talked for quite a while, including shame for not paying her the full amount, planning my spending for this month, wondering if my room has has bad energy for meditation, how my journal sometimes gets me in trouble when I say I'm dating Miss Houston orr writing xoxoxoxoxox in an email that I post online.

I think if everyone had their iner thoughts posted online, the world would be a better place. If there were no secrets. In fact, I'd want this conversation to be transcribed in realtime and posted; I would love that.

That's the only reason I tote my computer around wherever I go. It's too difficult to take the time after the fact; I can only capture a mere whisp of the events by writing that evening or days later.

Otherwise my journal woudld be like, "I broke my shoulder. I got a job. I got laid off. I got a new job. I'm doing a thing called ISIS. It's like meditaton, but more directed . (It's actually the "opposite" of meditation, but they serve similar purposes.)

Do I "owe" anything to people who read this? Would anyone care if I stopped writing?

I would care. that's for sure. The future me would be like, "damn I can't believe I quit writing. I hardly remember the cool thing that happened the very next day. Or was it the net week? or the next year? Hmmmm"