Clairvision:ISIS 0014 - why am I here (on Earth)?

I just finished my 14th ISIS session with Helma, during which I cryingly wondered wtf I am supposed to be doing this lifetime.

She started with her hand on the spot below my sternum where she's been focusing for the past couple of times, starting with ISIS 12, featuring Bang. I felt nothing at first, and, like last time, felt sadness that "ISIS isn't working for me," and "I don't know what to do."

Why am I here? Why did I survive my skating accident? 
Why did i survive my TJ Bike accident (cause I only broke my shoulder, that's why.)

I think I'm here to serve humanity, but how? Is it good enough to just be good? I don't watch TV; I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs (except sugar (glucose, not PCP)), but I do have my own addictions to porn and eating. So even though I can't imagine why individual people are TV addicts and sleeping most of the time, why do I think I'm doing anything different?

Somewhere in all that, I was wondering about my "imperfect" body. I'm legally blind (though it can be corrected to 20/20); my nose works just half way, half the time.

I realized that I don't really need my glasses to get home. It's not like I need to talk to anyone and with only the slightest vision I can safely navigate the train system (now that I know where I'm going) Anyway, so I went home without wearing my glasses.

Before the ISIS session, we talked for quite a while, including shame for not paying her the full amount, planning my spending for this month, wondering if my room has has bad energy for meditation, how my journal sometimes gets me in trouble when I say I'm dating Miss Houston orr writing xoxoxoxoxox in an email that I post online.

I think if everyone had their inner thoughts posted online, the world would be a better place. If there were no secrets. In fact, I'd want this conversation to be transcribed in realtime and posted; I would love that.

That's the only reason I tote my computer around wherever I go. It's too difficult to take the time after the fact; I can only capture a mere whisp of the events by writing that evening or days later.

Otherwise my journal would be like, "I broke my shoulder. I got a job. I got laid off. I got a new job. I'm doing a thing called ISIS. It's like meditaton, but more directed . (It's actually the "opposite" of meditation, but they serve similar purposes.)

Do I "owe" anything to people who read this? Would anyone care if I stopped writing?

I would care. that's for sure. The future me would be like, "damn I can't believe I quit writing. I hardly remember the cool thing that happened the very next day. Or was it the net week? or the next year? Hmmmm"

what am I supposed to do??