Clairvision:ISIS 0001 - perfectionist trying to control everything
I'm copying adapting this text from my journal
07 January 2008
The session was longer than planned, but felt shorter than planned. I had some revelations even so:
- I try really hard to be perfect / consistent / unique / optimal
- For example, it's driving me crazy to have this list in paragraph tags, but the first one not, AND this is an example of the first item and doesn't belong as its own item.
- I feel so sad for all the people in the world who are stuck watching TV and shopping about it; they just don't realize they are missing the point.
- I have no idea what life is about and I don't know what is the point.
- If I don't become enlightened this lifetime, I will think I have wasted my life
- I hold myself to really high standards, and won't accept less
- I'm a slovenly fraud and let all sorts of shit slide in my life
Helma suggested that there's something under this, but wasn't able to put her finger on it. This shell of faux perfection through which I try to live my life certainly blocks things from me. For example:
- friends
- opportunities
- travel
- money
- my dreams
Cripes; I get the point. :-)
Walking back, I got in touch with my higher self; a mini conversation with my God. I first asked "wtf happened; why haven't I been in touch with you?" and the answer was basically you've been busy with Japan and women.
Hmmm; I say. Okay. So what about this meditation thing? Should I do it?
hello; we are now talking again; is this thing on?
I see your point.
What about meditating a specific time each day?
have you had to meditate at a specific time to get back in touch with me?
um, no.
okay, then.
Fine.
Fine.
